Shaking and Afraid: Zach's Backstory...

“God, please… just help me.”

I could feel the thin, industrial grade carpet even through the knees of my jeans, and it felt worse against the bare skin of my palms - raspy and unforgiving.

I was kneeling by myself in the deserted upper hallway of a lecture building at Northwestern University and actually - physically - shaking.

Badly.

I had been shaking uncontrollably all day - through classes, through lunch, and finally through a dinner that I had barely been able to touch. In less than an hour, I was scheduled to head downstairs and speak to a college group made up of Northwestern fraternity and sorority members - probably the most beautiful, athletic, and intimidating social circle on campus.

Despite having been a musician and stage actor for several years, I suffered with crippling performance anxiety, and I was genuinely terrified at the prospect of speaking publicly. If something didn’t change, this was going to be a train wreck of epic proportions…
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What made it worse was that God had been DOING something in my life - something real. It was hard to describe, but my attitudes and desires had started to change and I was feeling alive in a new way - I was experiencing something beyond just the “religious activity” I had previously experienced, and I had really been hoping to share this new life in Jesus with the group downstairs.

“God…. I don’t think I can share like this…” I sagged towards the carpet, “there’s no way I can communicate something real if I can’t even get the words out…”

…And I just kept talking. I wasn’t praying with rote phrases and carefully polished words, I was just being honest - honest, broken and desperate.

And over the course of the next hour, everything started to change - the shaking began to subside. I began to breathe easier and, as strange it sounds, I started to feel…more full in my heart, like God was really WITH me.

I started to notice to notice colors and smells - the small, glass walled hallway with scratchy carpet felt more vibrant somehow. I felt peace - real peace - and as I watched the hairs on my arms begin to stand on end, I felt something else…

I suddenly felt an intense desire to see people FREE - where I minutes ago I had been terrified, it was as if my fear had been swept completely away and replaced a passion to see my friends set free from the confusion, hopelessness, unbelief, and fear that I know so many of them were struggling with.

I don’t remember walking down the stairs that night, but I DO remember speaking - I remember the odd feeling that it was almost like watching someone ELSE.

As if from a distance, I remember thinking “Wow, he seems comfortable, not nervous at all… even his jokes are going over…”

I remember speaking with passion, sharing my experience - that God was REAL. That Jesus was alive and active - that He was personally concerned about us and that He wasn’t just some subject of religious observance or debate

And I remember watching people HEAR the message - I watched Jesus impacting people, changing them and transforming them right in front of me.

And I knew in that moment that if He use ME - if He could instantly and completely deliver me from the paralyzing fear I had suffered with for so many years - than He could do ANYTHING.

1 Corinthians 1:27 says that “But God [chooses] the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God [chooses] the weak things of the world to shame the strong…” and this is exactly my experience.

Over the next year, I tried to take any opportunity I could to speak publicly about Jesus. During that period, I failed sometimes and I struggled on and off with fear, but God slowly broke me of the “habit” of fear. He delivered me from the anxiety that I had struggled with, and He increased the desire in me to see people set free by the love of Jesus.

And THIS is why we do what we do.

Recently WRD’s Sierra sat down to interview me for our latest podcast. We talk more about my backstory - my very real struggle with performance anxiety and the incredible freedom I’ve found in Jesus.

We also talk about some of my… unique interests - from Bonsai to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu…. It’s a pretty entertaining conversation, in our humble opinion. In THIS short clip, I talk a bit more about my struggle with fear - you can sign up HERE to receive weekly curated clips like this.

We're currently still on lockdown quarantine in France, preparing for our return home to the USA within the next few weeks - during this time of worldwide upheaval and uncertainty, we are more convinced than ever that Jesus is STILL the answer.

We've had to reschedule many of our upcoming outreaches (Zambia, India, and Haiti) until later in the year, but we're still committed to the goal of reaching as many people as possible in every nation with the life-changing message of Jesus Christ - we're using this time to create new music and develop new strategies for reaching the world with the love of Jesus, and we're excited for the future.

If you'd like to help us share the love of Jesus in 2020 with a tax-deductible monthly donation or one-time gift, simply click the link below for more information. We're deeply thankful for you, friends!