When Your Hands are Shaking but You Do it Anyway... (Kailah's Story)

Knock knock…

“Hey guys. It’s me.”

I pressed my face close to the hotel room door and spoke quietly.

I couldn’t see much. The sun had set a few hours before, but enough moonlight still trickled through the open windows that I had been able to make my way through the dark hallway to my parents’ room.

I didn't wait long. The door quickly swung open and my mom stood in the doorway - she stepped back and I followed her inside. 

I was greeted immediately by the low hum of a hard-working air-conditioner hanging from the wall, and the artificial coolness of the room set it apart from the humid hallway I had just left.

“Hey, Kailah!” My dad looked up from where he was sitting and placed his book onto a bedside table, “What’s up?”

The little lamp beside him gave a small warm glow that lit the room with a soft yellow light.

I clenched my jaw and looked down at my hands.  I was rubbing them together.

“Um… Can I talk to you guys for a minute?”

My mom put up her hair and sat down near my dad on the newly made hotel bed in the middle of the room.

“Yeah. Of course! What’s the matter?”

I breathed out heavily and wiped my eyes which, despite my effort, had started watering. 

“I’m really struggling, because I feel afraid ALL the time. I’m really nervous for this trip… I’m excited too… I just...”

I sniffed and rubbed my forehead with the palm of my hand.

“… I guess I just don’t want to be afraid anymore.”

I had just turned thirteen, and we had arrived in South Africa a few days before. We were scheduled to spend a few weeks doing ministry and exploring the country and then we would head to Mozambique. 

To sleep in tents.

In the jungle.

Surrounded by mosquitos which may or may not carry malaria. 

I was scared…

___________________________

There were times that I was so scared that I felt paralyzed. Incapable of doing anything.

“Here. Come sit down for a minute.” 

My dad sat up and patted a spot in front of him.

I walked barefoot across the marbled tile floor to the bed and sat down.

He looked at me and wiped my tear streaked face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

He then gently explained to me that fear is just a feeling. And the TRUTH is that God is good and bigger than all the things I was afraid of. And that if we have said, “yes” to Jesus, then we never have to be alone again.

“…And It’s not the feeling of fear that matters… It’s what you choose to do with it. So when you struggle with fear, give it to Jesus and remind yourself of the truth that God is bigger and He is with you.”

When the tears had subsided, we prayed together.

Then I hugged them both and went to bed.

As I fell asleep, and throughout the following day I found myself continually remembering what we had talked about.

And that day, I happened to make a friend.

She was an Afrikaans girl who was a year older than me and spoke English well. 

We spent most of the day together and she eventually asked me about what I was doing in South Africa.

I told her about our belief in Jesus and how we wanted to tell the world about Him. 

And then she started to ask more questions...

Like, “Who is Jesus?”

“Why is He important?” 

“What does the Bible say?”

As we talked, I noticed that my heart had started to beat much faster than it normally did - it reminded me of the way it felt when I would play a game of tag with my friends.

Then my hands started to physically shake.

There it was again - the fear.

But there was something else as well.

An excitement.

Jesus wants me to tell her the Gospel, doesn’t He?

So I did.

In a quivering voice, I started to explain that there is a God in heaven - that He is real and good.

I shared about how we were all created for a relationship with Him, but how we’ve all separated ourselves from him by the bad things we’ve done. 

How Jesus saw us in our brokenness and gave his life to pay the price for our reconnection with Him.

And How we can receive forgiveness and freedom by admitting our need, believing in Jesus, and committing our lives to Him.

After we talked for a while, we said goodbye and I ran to my room - I plopped onto my bed and quickly wrote a note for her, re-explaining this simple Gospel.

I ripped the page out of my book as neatly as I could, and, with the little folded-up note clutched in my moist hands that were still shaking, I once again ran to my parents’ room and knocked on the door.

When they opened the door, I ran inside and tried to catch my breath as I hopped on one leg in an attempt to take off my shoes.

I caught my balance again and stood breathless in front of my parents.

“Um… Can I talk to you guys for a minute?"

They sat down - I’m pretty sure I caught my mom glance towards the tissue box in preparation for another flood of tears.

“Is everything ok?”

And then I blurted out the whole story...

“Yeah… so I met a girl and we became friends. She started asking questions about what we did so I shared the Gospel with her and I think I answered all of her questions but I'm not sure so I wrote her this note. See?!”

I jerked my hand out and showed them the crinkled up note.

“Wow,” my Dad raised his eyebrows and shook his head, “That’s incredible.”

A few weeks later when we finally went to Mozambique, I had the opportunity to share the Gospel publicly for the first time - using an interpreter, I shared the simple message of Jesus with a group of Mozambican teenagers.

My fear is gone now.

And I learned at a young age that God can meet us even in our fear and do beautiful things that we might not have ever thought possible.

And this is why we do what we do.

International travel has just resumed, and we've finally been able to return to the USA from lockdown quarantine in France. During this time of worldwide upheaval and uncertainty, we are more convinced than ever that Jesus is STILL the answer.

We've had to reschedule many of our upcoming outreaches (Zambia, India, and Haiti) until later in the year, but we're still committed to the goal of reaching as many people as possible in every nation with the life-changing message of Jesus Christ.

We're using this time to create new music and develop new strategies for reaching the world with the love of Jesus, and we're excited for the future.

If you'd like to help us share the love of Jesus in 2020 with a tax-deductible monthly donation or a one-time gift, simply click the link below for more information. We're deeply thankful for you, friends!